Convections of a FourWayFlasher: February 2005

what am i suppose to do?
i will only make things worse...

keeping myself busy nowadays..
its times like this when u start to think about it all over again..

sleeping pill anyone??

its 2.15 am.
woken up by my mum's ranting over the phone.
7 years. 7 years n she's still at it with him.
even after my dad divorced her last year, she's still at it with tt guy.
fuck it. it'll nv end.

2.17 am. can't sleep.
fumbling for my ciggrattes. sweet surrender.
its valentine's day today. i bet she's going out with her friends.
or friend.
whatever...

today is a day for me to start loving myself again. its so hard to do it when ur mum's shouting in the background.
spending time with your loved one?
not today. not ever i guess..
not anymore.

2.19 am. hold on..
gotta light another..
hope my sis is able to sleep.
she's used to it anyway.
not me. i hate it.

heard from my mum the other day dad's moving again.
dammit. not gonna live close to me anymore.
everything seems to be moving further and further away.
my dad, my mum, "her"... and my sanity.
can i get all of them back..?
god dammit.
i need an angel here with me right now.
all i got left is my little sis.
she's my real family.

2.27 am. wonder how everything's gonna turn out..
nothing turns out well. for me at least anyway.
tired of fighting. tired of believing.
thinking of my cuzzie in brunei.
god i miss her so much.

if given a chance, i want to get out of this godforsaken country.
leaving everyone behind.
everyone.
but hey, life goes on no matter what happens.

maybe want i really need is a picture perfect life.
one with loving parents, who don't shout n scream all the time.
someone special who understand my needs and feelings.
a place where everything has a perfect ending.
a place where no one leaves anybody.

i'd go to hell n back over n over again to find tt life.
i rush things. hoping to find tt perfect ending.
time is never on my side.
the longer it drags on, the harder it becomes.

2.49 am. fuck. i'm out of ciggrattes.
thank god for 7-11.

i need an angel here with me.
an angel with wings to carry me off to that picture perfect place.

ARGHH!!!!!!!

ARGHHH!!!!!

ARGHHHH!!!!

u got it bad - Usher

u got it u got it bad
when you're on the phone
hang up and you call right back

u got it u got it bad
when you miss a day without your friend
your whole life's off track

u know u got it bad when you're stuck in the house
u don't wanna have fun
is all u think about

u got it bad when you're out with someone
but u keep on thinking bout somebody else
u got it bad

This is how i feel baby..
i'm sorry..

i'm calling u to say goodbye baby..

its all nothing but a lie.
u lied to me.
u promised me u'd change.
u' promise me u'd try.
u suke eh main2 kan hati orang?
u always say something but do something else.

u said u love me.
u lied rite?
everything is a lie.

u take me for granted.
u take me for fucking granted.
not anymore baby,
i'm leaving.

u noe how much u've hurt me with ur empty promises?
don't say u love me.
keep those lies for someone else.
u haf lots of em.

farah farhanah vierra. we were in love.
or were we?
i know i was.
i don't lie.

u said u'll never leave me.
is it juz an excuse for me to make the decision to leave u?

i still do love u.
but i force myself to be without u.
because u cannot make the decision.
all u can do is hurt me more.

u dont act this way wen u love someone.
u don't lie to them about stuff like this.
as i said, u take my love for granted.

i broke 2 things today:
my promise to you.
my heart.

what else can i say.
as u wish.
as u wish..
i'm tired.

decided to showcase my collection of "stupid and crappy pictures taken when we were bored."
ps: me kissing a guy is not real!! me kissing a girl...? hehehee