Convections of a FourWayFlasher: January 2005

Went to the FMS party at Changi Safra Resort on Friday.
it was alot of fun!!
well, for the most part of it anyway.
they had crystal balls, those colourful lights and loud music.
but the food was bad.
urgh...
barbecue die tk menjadi lerr...

a few ppl got high.
real high...
but i shall not name those ppl...
hehehehee...
org suroh jln in a straight line towards me da tk bole, n u mati2 ckp u are fine.
hahahaa!!

i was so happy to finally be able to mit u,
but i noe after tt,
it'll be quite awhile b4 i get to c u again...
but its ok..

finally, tiz week is gonna end.
alot of stuff happen tt almost made me lose my mind.
lots of arguements.
same thing. different days.
i'm tired of it also actually...
i hope tt things will turn out for the best after tiz.
but i know tt the argument will crop up again,
but i hope tt wen it does, it be much much later in the future.

but hey, watever it is,
n watever we talked about,
the compromise tt we made,
hope it'll help both of us out.

well baby, i'm not going to say it,
but u noe tt i still do...
very much...

time: 1:17
mood: very, very... tired.

step cute je... menyampah!!

from left: taufik batisah, cleopatra, bonnie and clyde... hee..

ouh ouh

yeah yeah

make a guess who took tiz pic? hehehe

if u look closely, they sorta look alike in tiz pic..

wee!!

aku da tk tau mcm mane lagi.
tolong la, sesape, gantikan hati aku ini dengan hati yg sekeras batu,
yg tidak dapat dilukai, yg tk dapat mencintai...

aku lemah...
aku lemah untok menghadapi lagi sesuatu yg memerlukan keyakinan.
keyakinan kepada diri sendiri,
dan keyakinan kepada seseorang.

ini la pertama kali,
aku akan melutot,
aku akan jatohkan ke-egoanku,
dan meminta kepadamu...
memintamu supaya membangkitkanku.
sebabaku da tidak bermaya berdikari,
berdiri di atas kaki sendiri.

ni la adek saye... kawan2 saye minta izin nk date adek saye... krg nk kena terajang nabi ke!! bole tanye aku!! hahahaha

sometimes i juz feel so mad at u.
but it never lasts anyway.
i understand, but my heart doesnt!!
saye da tk tau mcm mane lagi nk explain...
its the same thing over n over again.
adekah saye ni bodoh?
sebab saye tk faham, walaupon awak da sudah explain.
kepala otak saye ni faham, hati saye ni tk faham2!!
awak tk boleh expect saye je mencuba...
it goes both ways pe...

awak kate cinta, saye pon kate cinta,
tapi percepsi kite on cinta ni lain sikit daripada awak.
awak tak dapat tau ape sebenarnye isi hati saye ni...
saye pon tk begitu pasti, sebab da mendalam sangat.
sebab tu la saye bbual mcm gini skrg!!

dan isi hati awak pulak,
aiseyman, confusing lerr.
awak jgn selalu diam kalau ader sesuatu yg awak nk sampaikan.
nk tengok awak marah kat saye pon susah!!
saye yg selalu marah!!

orang putih selalu kate,
"i am only one man."
saye mencuba sedaya uapaya,
tapi nk tahan tu ader susah sikit.
sebab saye senang marah pasal benda2 gini.
awak tolong la faham makne perkataan "cinta" bagi saye.

bagi saye, cinta saye tk setanding cinta awak kepada saye.
tapi tk kesah la,
memang sekadar nk mencuit hati awak dulu da susuh giler nye!!
saye da cuba melafazkan kepada awak dalam bahasa orang putih.
skrg bahasa melayu pulak.
nk bahasa hindustan pon bole.
"meri zindegi."
kalau bahasa french,
" evous la cest."

insyaallah, awak akan dapat menilai isi hati saye....

tak guna ada mata kalau tak dapat melihat,
tak guna ada hati kalau tak tahu menilai.

meri zindegi.
evous la cest.
you are my life.

time: 2.25 a.m.
mood: kalau boleh saye nk cekek awak, tapi sayang nye pasal saye cekek diri sendiri.

juz finished watching Chalte Chalte.
it is a really, really good movie.
the movie made me realize something.
sometimes, couples fight.
sometimes, too often.
most of the times, about the same thing over and over again.
why quarrel?
why argue and squabble?
its simple really.

its because, they are in love.

n we do quarrel.
but on weekends mostly.
hee...

i'd better get my ass back to my books.
having a test tmrw.
a test on a saturday morning.
sheesh...

time: 1.56 a.m.
mood: watever it is, i got to study!!

nothing much to say really.
juz... waiting.

time: 12.02 a.m.

MY LEG HURTS!!
the wound i sustained while playing soccer last weekend is killing me!!
argh!!
i feel like sawing my leg off!!
(reminds me of the movie SAW. damn great movie)
i can't walk properly and u cant imagine the number of times ppl accidently brush against it.
yesterday, i was sitting in the train and the seat beside me was empty.
i was asleep n tiz HUGE lady sat beside me. she accidently brush against my leg n i woke up almost screaming!
i juz look at her and pretended nothing happened.
but she culd see the pain in my eyes....
hahhahaaa!!

been having lots of naps in buses and trains lately.
juz now on my way home in the 963 bus, i fell asleep. i was having a really weird dream.
suddenly, i felt a hand on my shoulder and i looked up.
i didnt know where i was.
there was tiz gerl, smiling at me.
i was like,
"eh?"
i thought, wad did tiz pretty girl want?
(she is, really!! wahahhahaaa!!!)
seriously, i thought she mistook me for her friend or something.
n den i looked around.
nobody was in the freaking bus!!
n i looked outside,
the bus had already reached wlds regional int.

so i got up n alighted the bus.
i didnt get a chance to thank her properly.
she juz turned around, smiled at me, and went up the escalator.
i waved her goodbye.
n there was, still groggy, still sleepy, trying to shake it off.
if she hadnt woke me up i'd still be asleep in the bus!!
well, thanks, whoever u are.

ttz about it i guess.
gonna go wash my face.
N MY LEG STILL FARKING HURTS!!
argh!!

time: 9.52 pm
feeling: hungry...

today is one of the days.
been a long time since i really missed someone.
dunnoe y i feel like i miss her so much today.
so much.
is it something i ate...?
nyeh...

i am sure i'm gonna miss her more.
cauz she's gonna be bz again.
but wad to do.
i'll juz keep it to myself after tiz i guess.
well, the next best thing to do wen feeling tiz way,
is to sleep.

being jiwang is not my forte.
waking up late is.
n all the more i shuld sleep early today.

blogging sometimes make me feel like i'm transparent.
u read abt someone, wad the did today, yesterday or gonna do tmrw.
but hey,
ppl can read into my mannerisms and expressions fairly easily.
its pretty easy to tell what i'm thinking or how i'm feeling.
esp when i'm sleepy.

so b4 i start to get sappy,
juz wanted to express my sleepyness,... eh salah... my rindu-ness.
the pomposity of my bravado is so gonna hit me on the head in the morning for tiz sappy entry.
but wad the heck.
my sleepyness brings out the sensitive side in me.
setan firaun da memanggil tu...

bluek!!!!!!

time: 12.20 pm
mood: sleepy as hell

juz woke up. played soccer in the morning juz now.
we won 4-2!!
muwahahhaa!!
my stamina is so fucked up.
i can't keep up with the pace of the game. its so tiring.
i've got to stop smoking.
period.

there's tiz BIG cut on the right side of my thigh.
pandai2 kan nk slide orang, ambek kau.
i tried applying the iodine solution juz now, but its freaking painful!!
i was screaming and running about.
n my sis caught it on camera.
damn it.

i'm hoping to play against riverside next week.
i'm gonna break ur legs harry if u create anymore trouble.
i'm not fucking kidding.
out of a thousand in tiz world,
you are the kind who destroy ppls lives with ur fucking childish ways.
n out of a thousand in tiz world,
i am the kind of guy who will bring these ppl down.

aniHOWzz, i'm gonna go watch singapore vs indonesia tmrw.
bringing my sis along.
i'm gonna bring along a huge black dustbin juz in case the indonesians decide to throw those small,
green or blue ones.
or maybe i'll juz throw my sis.
hehehehheee....

well, better siap2.
gonna go watch man u vs liverpool at the coffee shop.
with farrhan, boh n nazzmie.
drinking a whole lot of coffee today.
i better order teh katai later.

unagi!!

Kian Huat, bila da kau nk bayar hutang... tsk tsk...

ader org stare kt kite. kite stare balek ah!!

bluek!!

farah, my sis n me

she copied my glasses!!

ape tu?

So tired.
took a nap juz now.
but i'm still tired.
so many deadlines to meet.
"written communication" juz killed me last night.
"Social psycology" will surely get me for good tonite.
but i shall not complain.
i'll juz tear out the pages from my books and throw my laptop out the window.
but i noe i'm gonna regret it later.
maybe i'll juz IMAGINE throwing my lappy out the window.
.....yeah, tt was nice.
hee...

i keep seeing double the last few hours.
everything seems blurry and hazy.
tried to shake it off, but i cant.
only wen i close my eyes for a couple of seconds den it'll go away.

a funny thing happened in school today.
i was in one of the shops in school printing my stuff with my sch-mates.
The auntie was giving away free facial masks.
so the girls went over to the auntie and asked for a couple of em.
so i too went over and the auntie stared at me and said,
"u oso wan ah?"

n i took 2.
hahahhaaaa!!

havent seen mimi for like 4 days.
gosh how i miss her.
if u thought i'm bz,
she's up to her neck with projects and stuff.
she called me up awhile ago.
i'll meet u tmrw aightz...

today feels pretty weird.
nv really talked to anyone the whole day.
nothing to talk about actually.

i have tiz funny feeling tt i'm gonna get bitten in the arse.
usually wen everything seems quite and calm,
SOMETHING is prone to happen.
its the scream of silence.

time: 12.30 am
mood: farking sleepy

is there such a thing as feeling emotionless?
if there isnt, i think i've juz discovered it.
rite now, i juz dun feel anything.
maybe its becauz all the emotions has been sucked out of me.
or maybe i'm juz too tired to feel anything rite now.

i'm glad tt i have sheila to talk to sometimes.
wen i tell her stuff, i feel like i'm telling things to myself,
someone who can understand perfectly.
telling her relieves the weight off my shoulders.

i dunnoe wad is going happen in the future.
predictions juz blurrs the line between reality and the world of pretend.
the hands of fate works in very mysterious ways.
it sometimes difies logic and comprehension,
but yet wen it does happen, it doesnt seem tt all unlogical.
keep an open mind.
nothing happens without a reason.
fate does not control our lives.
we control our own lives, and even wen the hands of fate are slamming down on us,
life still goes on.

it all depends on how we choose to continue leading our lives.

this shit has got to stop.
pls, dun doubt me.
i swear to u wad we haf is for real.
i will wait a thousand lifetimes for someone like u.
i would nv do anything to hurt u.
search deep inside, n i hope tt u will convince urself tt what we have is not a lie.

n to that someone who fucked tiz all up,
if wad sae is true,
den spit it to my face.
if its not, i'll make u inhale back the words tt u breathe.

its 3.23 in the morning.
watched TROY on dvd juz now.
2 countries at war because of a women.
the heroes died for love...
the love for their family,
the love for their country,
and the love...
for a woman.

n now, i'm debatting if i shuld go to sleep,
or watch Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam.
i'm damn bloody sleepy but i want to watch the movie.
but i haf to wake up early to do my stuff.
n the movie will be freaking long!
i think its best if i went to sleep.

yeah. it is.
i can see the sandman oreadi tapping on my window.

i'll dream of TROY tonite.
i'll be a hero who will die for a woman.
for a woman...
he loves.

u could slit my throat, but with my last gasping breath, i'd apologize for bleeding on ur shirt.