i dont know what's the right thing to do.
never have i received a sincerity this much.
everything right seems to point in this direction.
but somehow, i'm shackled by the foresight that it will eventually crash n burn.
for me, i've been there many times, clawing my way out each n everytime.
my fingers bled, my nails worned out.
n i nv want to pull u down with me.
its not fair, for u.
its just, for me.

i guess the circumstances is just so different this time.
maybe tt's what makes it so scary.
it is never this easy.
it's just never is.

stepping out into reality is just not my thing.
i've always lived in a world of pretend.
where lies make up the most part of it.
where i brush them off aside.
i'm not used to swallowing my pride.

i can't break the wall infront of me.
dammit, it just won't fall.
everything that i hate, everything that i want to forget, its built of that.
i just can't tear it down.

the chance.
tt's all i have to give.
the chance.
tt's all u need.

the chance.
its on the other side of the wall.
break dammit.
break.

it seems like i've been hit by a brick wall.
stupid wall.
been hitting u for years.

what shuld i do?


damn u ego.
damn u.

dont leave on that jet plane.

not yet anyway.
i was just getting to know u.

i'll blow it.
like i always do.

why is it always the same old story all over again.
it has to be me.
it always is.

fights. brawls. shouting and cursing and swearing.
its all too familiar.
dammmit i know i'm very unreasonable sometimes.
yes. i'm sometimes impatient.
yes.i get worked up fairly easily.
yes. im an egoistic SOB.
but hey i have damn good reasons!
but mybe the delivery of the reasons isnt too good.

i mean if u call me and start swearing suddenly who wouldnt be furious.
or call accusing me of something which i nv did.
or simply juz call to pick a fight.

and one more thing.
i hate cancellation of last minute thingys.
escp. if it happens once too often.

so u're mad at me. fine.
so u're pissed tt i say wad i said.
but sometimes me saying sorry juz wont cut it.
so why bother.

now saying wad i juz said will definately get me into some shit.
been there, knee deep, all too familiar.

its not u, really.
its juz me.
ask around.
its true.

ps: this has nothing to do with what happened today or any other day prior. its juz some stuff which happens to me alot. i'm not mad at anybody. realli!!!

well, mayb i'm a lil bit mad at the world. juz a little. who isnt?

6 months ago...


Wajahmu
seindah serinya pelangi yang indah
seharum mawar putih segar berkembang
wajahmu

mengapa sering terbayang dimataku
sehingga terbawa didalam mimpiku

Sayangku
tahukah kau didalam hatiku ini
tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci

kau bunga
ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku
lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku

Sayangnya
harapan yang selama ini kubawa
hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya
semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi

Kau pergi jua
setelah cinta ku kini membara
belum sempat kucurahkan kasihku
kau pergi tak kembali...

6 months ago u lied to me about everything.
6 months ago i was living in a wrold of pretend.

but that was 6 months ago.

see if i give a shit now.

i'm not someone who reminisce.
this will b the last time.

Turn me inside out.
I'll keep on walking, leaving a trail of blood.
shadows drift along behind me,
taking a stab at my back.
But i'll just keep on walking.

I'll get down on my knees.
I'll pour blood over on the asphalt.
i'll leave my bleeding wrists on the ground,
hoping the rain would pour down on me.
help me wash off the blood.
i cant do it alone.

I'm still waiting for the rain to come down.
or i'll just cry a thousand lifetime,
to wash it all away.

i cant move.
i'm being dragged along.
let me go u SOB.
hope someone will find me.
i've left a trail of crumbs behind.
it's smeared all over the floor.

i can hardly move.
i can hardly breathe.
what's this on my chest?
i'm choking.
i'm dying.

help me.

i hate DOTA.

ive been playing the stupid game non-stop, every SINGLE DAY.
I play it online and pit my skills against all the DOTARIANS in singapore.
fuck la.
im getting good at it somemore.
somebody help me pls...???

i dunt pick up calls, i dont eat, hell, i even forget to smoke sometimes!!

aniways i dun haf a life now.
juz playing games and work.
I do meet frens occasionally.
okok.
almost everyday.
but i DOTA everyday.
shit.
burn the game for me.
haiz...

weird things are happening.
i hope it'll go away.
its juz too weird for me.

its like... cheese and bananas.
or pizzas and pickles.

its tt weird.
i'll not adknowledge it, juz hope it goes away.
but its nice sometimes.
hmm....

well, u guys aint got a clue wtf i'm talking about but juz imagine this...

chocolate syrup and sushi??!!!

weird.